Entropial Anarchy of Mind

Conflicting thoughts flash past my mind,
Confused, ravaging, destructive,
In times of joy, fleeting quickly,
Or due to pain of pain unkown.

What nudge my chaotic mind,
In directions all, infinite,
Through pathways both traversed before,
And some with grey cement drying...

My mind jumps with alacrity,
Trifle nuances to lacunae,
Like a boat in search of a port,
In a deluging turbulence

No clarity, no cogent thread,
Between thought unique and action,
From white on black or black on white,
How are canvasses of gray made?

Of morality and logic,
Sentimentality and sense,
Deep debates rage within my mind,
Subjective or objective?

Pretense, subterfuge, fake niceness,
To want others to think well of you,
Why do people behave so funny,
Or am I the violation.

Thoughts of reasons, explanations,
I reason my thoughts alone, confused,
Thoughts as to why reason at all,
And why think of reasons to think.

To think is a boon or a curse,
How can storms be quelled with unease,
Why must every road end in forks,
Conflict eternal, chaos reigns.

Is absolute that absolute,
Or truth and lie but reflections,
Mercurial Ambiguity,
Two faces, million sided dice.

Must I question all in fullest,
And debate both action and thought,
Why does grey give rise to grey,
Why is the war so damn civil?

- Thriddas Anorak

Do I take the closed integral over all paths for maximum probability???

When one's own mind is confused, what logical analytical device must one use to gauge my sanity. Delusion v/s Truth. Are will power and delusion that disparate? I must mull these at leisure...

The above poem is a product of confusion, as can be observed from the stanzas. This is my first attempt at a whole poem in blank verse (I mean, without rhyme) The only thing I have strived to maintain is the amount of syllables in every line. How do others manage syllabic symmetry. Found it quite difficult...…

Poetic Canvasses

The human mind, is probably one of the most fascinating aspects of existence. If there was ever a grand purpose, or a reason for my existence, it would probably be to understand myself and my mind. The egoistical, lame, humourous, delusional, intellectual, childish, crazy aspects that I have assigned to myself - probably due to a complex need to analyse out each and every thing or deluded myself to believing I am more complex a person than I really am - and the confusion that is a result of every thought and action in the mundaneness of life can only truly be expressed in poetry. Prose just does not do justice to the myriad thoughts of the mind.

Most of my poems were created out of a desire to write something, not an innate desire to express my deepest...
However, as time progresses, I seem to drift towards a bank where poetry or a desire to write emerges due to a compulsion to express myself.

Personally, I believe, (or rather I have more or less convinced myself that i do probably due to desire to want to believe) that poetry is not meant to be shared / published. Shown to a select like-minded mortals who can acknowledge your efforts, understand your mind or for vain vaunting to few, poetry that one writes about oneself is not meant to be dissected and understood the way textbooks undertake a gross travesty of the poet's talent.

But then, I really do not know why I intend to post all my poems that I could scavenge on a blog, (for storage, maudlin sentiment, memories, or for vain display and a serious want for attention?), I cannot judge...

In the next few weeks, I will be posting select poems that I am/was personally proud of when I wrote them. Those that I considered worthy of preserving atleast.

Pardon the grammar, the repetitive sentences, the rather obvious ambiguity (or a desire to be ambiguos) and confusion in all my posts in prose. Some poems do have the same style of writing, but presented in a better manner.

Also, upcoming is a profile that I had built on orkut, something which I was for some reason fond of. Although my orkut account was deleted by me in a fit of passion, I have preserved the profile. Will be posting that too... and a detailed description of all my sub-personae.

Truly confused,
Siddarth Raman